Thursday, June 17, 2010

My Girl

Ok I just finished nursing and looked down at my chest and for a split second thought, "AAAHHH my nipple's missing!!" Then I realized that I had just snapped up my nude-colored nursing bra.



I was told several times that one of the hardest things about having a second child is dealing with all the feelings of change for the first child. We knew that we were probably going to have to deal with behavior issues and hurt feelings with the transition from only chid to big sister. What I didn't realize was that hurting your two-year old's feelings because they don't feel completely loved by you is one of the worst feelings in the world.

Overall, Emma's done a great job adjusting to this new little squirt that's in the house. Of course it helps a ton that she has lots of people around to pay attention to her, so she doesn't always notice that her parents are a little distracted. When she first came to the hospital to meet Jackson she looked like she was about to cry. She warmed up quickly though and reluctantly planted a kiss on him after some coaxing from Daddy. She even held him for a good three seconds before yelling, "All done!" and started running around the hospital room showing off for all of us. She was not going to be shown up by this little goober. She wasn't quite sure about how felt about me though. She came into bed with me a couple times but wouldn't stay long. When we got home from the hospital she wanted nothing to do with me. She spent lots of time with her daddy, but stayed away from me unless Matt made her go to me. Just stab me in the postpartum heart. Good thing for my emotional well-being her cold-shoulder only lasted a day or two.

She quickly warmed up to her little brother though. Our second day in the hospital she was much more comfortable and constantly wanted to kiss and play with "Sackson". It was the same way when he came home. She payed close attention to everything he did and kept telling us how cute he was. In fact, she wanted to touch him all the time. I mean, all the time. And push on his head. And nose. And eyes. And well, you get the point. She was very excited, which was great. Mildly annoying but great. I think she realized that she would get a reaction from mommy and daddy when she would poke and prod at him. I guess when you're two and suddenly have to share your parents' attention, you'll do what you can to keep as much of it as you can, regardless of the consequences. We've tried to balance the fine line between being gentle with her little feelings and being firm about obeying and not causing her baby brother bodily harm.

It all came to a head last night around bed time. She kept waking up fitfully and crying out for us. We just had to pop in and give her a quick pat for her to stop crying. At one point though I was with Jackson and Matt had run out for a few minutes, so Grandpa tried to calm her down. As soon as Matt went in to get her she took one look at him and her little chin started trembling and she started crying one of those sweet, pathetic cries. So we held her and cuddled her for a while. She was just so sad, and we knew she didn't even understand why. We both laid in bed with her, rubbing her head. Again, just stab me in the postpartum heart. I just wanted to keep holding her, and just make her know without any doubt how very loved she is and how that will never change, no matter how our lives change.

Today we ventured out to swim and run some errands together as a family of four. I really liked it. Hopefully my baby girl did too.


Bethany said...

I started reading and that first comment about your bra cracked me up!
Emma seemed like she was doing pretty great last night.
I was holding jackson while you were upstairs and she would come over and barely brush his head with her hand and make sure I knew she was being "gentol". :D
She's a great big sister.
She's a Green.
She's tough enough and will get used to it, but she has a great heart.
Keep up the great work Kelly!! :D
If you guys need anything let us know. (Not that you don't have 50 million people at the house anyway) :D

RyanLaurenAbby said...

Okay, I am totally crying right now! Kelly, I know EXACTLY how you are feeling as the mommy. I just tried to make sure that each day I held Abby in my arms and smothered her with mommy love. You are doing great. Love you.

Tate said...

Our lives are identical these days, minus the extra adults in the house lucky duck! And no wonder you thought your nipple was gone, the first week sure does make it feel like that anyway!