Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I Don't Want to Just Sanitize

Here's what I learned today as I sat at the doctor's office: My kids are screwed.

They are destined to think that they have cancer, a heart defect, liver disease, or any other health problem that can be identified on the Internet at the first sign of a a hang nail.

What prompted me to realize this was when Emma said to me today, "Mommy, the doctor's is a dangerous place."
"Why do you say that, Em?"
"Because there's GERMS."

No disagreement there. My girl knows.

She just happens to have a mommy that's part of the safety police. And not in a healthy, I'm just being a mom sort of way. It's more like a giiirl, you've got issues sort of way. I get nervous on playgrounds. I get even more nervous if Matt is there because that boy would let them jump off the top of the monkey bars assuming they'd just bounce.

Which I can almost respect.

Because I want my kids to be brave. I want them to be risk-takers that aren't held back by fear. I want them to walk boldly through life. I want them to be the kind of kids that stand up for the outsider, even if that means getting beat up or more likely, losing cooler friends. I hope they love deeply and give freely, without placing expectations on others. I want them to be peacemakers who actively pursue peace instead of passively sitting by avoiding conflict. I want them to live valiantly and joyfully instead of disengaging because of anxiety passed down to them from me.

So, I'm dealing with it instead of putting it off until tomorrow, which becomes next week, which becomes next month, which stays at never actually dealing. This is not just for my own sake but for the two little ones who are constantly watching. I am an active participant in the work that God is doing in my life, and yet I can rest in the knowledge that His perfect love drives out all fear. So day after day, I place it at the altar,  in faith that one day I won't need to anymore.


meg said...

oh, kel. how MUCH i can relate to this post!!!! worry, fear and anxiety is a daily battle for me that i have to give over to the lord. i think it will always be a struggle, but it won't always be this intense. i pray over time, with god's help, we'll learn to handle it differently--more gracefully ;) thanks for this honest post that so many of us can relate to! you're such a good mama!

gretchen said...

Love this. I don't even have kids yet...and I'm already anxious about what will happen when they get sick! I love reading your blog!