Sickest. Story. Ever.

If you're squeamish you should just stop reading. I swear, this will make you throw up. Mom, I guarantee you can't handle this post. You will throw up in your mouth. And if you don't throw up, you'll at least look at your little granddaughter differently, and I wouldn't want that. She really likes you. I'm not sure what your feelings towards her will be if you continue. Seriously, if you're still reading, let me just say you were warned. It is officially out of my hands.

Today Emma kept telling me to look in her mouth. She had it wide open and I obliged but didn't see anything. I turned back to what I was doing but she wouldn't let it go.

"Wook Mommy, wook!" Distracted, I turned around again to see. Nothing.

"What Em? I don't see anything. What am I looking at?"

"A boogie!"

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Gag me with a wooden spoon; I thought I was going to vomit all over my child.

It gets worse.

"That's gross, Em. Don't ever do that again."

"It's not gwoss, Mommy! It's yummy!"

Oh. My. Goodness.

Are you kidding me? What do you do when you get visions of your two year old being the completely socially awkward kid in grade school? How do you handle it?? If I make a big deal out of it, I know she'll just think it's funny and keep doing it. Of course I have to address it. Are you stern or playful about it? I chose the stern route. I don't know. We'll see. I know she has no chance if another kid sees her do it (well, in a few years at least). I knew a kid in late elementary school who was a boogie-eater and it's forever burned into my memory. I knew him throughout high school too, but the first thing that comes to mind, to this day, when I think of him is booger. When I got a facebook friend request from him, it was the first thing that popped into my mind. Poor guy. I can't let that happen to my Emma.

Let Mama Sleep

For the last several days I've felt mostly like this

Because this little guy

has been doing VERY little of this

Back in college I used to pull all-nighters on a fairly regular basis. Some would say I tend to procrastinate. I say I work best under pressure. My first year teaching, I would stay out until midnight and then have to leave by 6:40 in order to get to school by the skin of my teeth on time. Some would call this irresponsible. I call it young and in love (which usually equals stupid and irresponsible). In those days, I could function fairly well with only a few hours of sleep. I had to. There were tests to take, papers to assign. Now I can hardly form a coherent thought, much less articulate it, when I don't get enough sleep. This past week Jax has been waking up every two hours...and then staying awake for 45 minutes...which equals much less sleep than I require. Matt was out of town, so I was at it alone for three nights. When he returned I was hoping for him to have grown some soothing breasts, but alas, he hadn't. He did hold him on his chest much of one night though, a huge help. I'm just really hoping for a good night soon. Last night he only got up twice (but didn't go back down well), which was better, but at this point I'm so exhausted that I just really need a decent stretch.

He is such a sweet baby though. During the day he's a momma's dream. He smiles as soon as I look at him and laughs just as easily. He's just a chill little guy that I love so much. I just wish he'd sleep through the night.

Heard in My Hoopty

"Mommy, I want to go blueberry picking. I want to go blueberry picking so much."

"It's okay, Jax, it's okay. We're almost home. It's okay, it's okay... Be quiet, Jax! Jax be QUIET!"

"Mommy, the man (on the radio) said BUS!!"

"Mommy, the man said God!"

"I wanna hear our favorite song! OoooooOOOh, ooohhh somfin beautiful!"

"I wuv you, Mommy."

"Aaaww, you love me, baby?"

"Mmm..I love watermelon!"

"I want to go to Starbuck's. I want madewines and ice water."

"I want a cookie. I want a cookie so bad."

"Wook Mommy! The man's dwiving your car!"

"What did you learn about in church today, Em?"

"Um, Jesus."

"Oh you learned about Jesus? Anything else?"

"Mary...everywhere that Mary went."

"There's a rainbow. God did it?"

"There's a bird. God did it?"

"There's the car wash. God did it?"

Throwback

I've always been a pretty easygoing, carefree person.

Except...

for a period of time around the end of college.

Those first years out of school were a tumultuous time for me as I tried to sort through a lot of different issues in relationships, my faith in God (or sometimes lack there of), and figuring out what my identity really was found in. There were times when I literally felt like I was going crazy, but looking back, the words "But... God" stick with me. "But because of his great love for us, God who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ..." Thankfully the Lord didn't leave me where I was but lead me to see Him. It's funny- a lot of the same things that I learned in those years I've been reminded of over the last several months...minus the feelings of craziness this time around, thank goodness. Anyways- I found something I wrote while I was coming through it that I thought I'd share...

INSPIRE ME.

Don't lecture me. Talk to me.

Your formulas confuse me. If so much can be simplified, than what's it saying about me if I never get it right?

Don't put me in a box, or I'll get out. One way or another. Even if it's kicking or screaming, I can't stay there. It's too dark. And lonely. It makes me want to scream.

I don't want you to be perfect. I don't want to hear about how you are. I could never unload on you because I don't think you could handle it.

It's okay though.

There was a time when I couldn't either. I didn't realize it. I was caught up in my own perfection and goodness. I didn't know. I just didn't know.

There's unbelievable safety here though. In breaking free. It's not as you think it would be. There are no ten steps or bullet points.

I wish you could know it. It's messy sometimes. And it hurts like hell. But there's peace. And gentleness. And forgiveness.

You don't even realize how much you don't deserve it. Forgiveness. Being a child of God. I know you think you deserve it, at least more than others do. You'd never say it outloud of course. You may even be blind to your own thinking.

I know because I've been there.

But...

(But God...rich in mercy)

I've been shown love when words could be considered appropriate by those observing from afar. I've been shown grace, with a closed mouth and open arms. I've been shown mercy.

And that's just from mere humans that understand in a way better than I, the supernatural workings of a God that cares.

And if that isn't enough (it gets better!), there's Jesus. I'm shown a cross. By the only One who can truly claim perfection, who bore all the weight of the ugliness of all Time.

GOD in flesh. ROCKING people's worlds.

THAT'S inspiring.

My Other Fab Four

Between giving birth, vacationing with Matt's family, vacationing with my family, business trips, not living in our house, and just everyday life we've had to squeeze in family time wherever and whenever we could find a spare second.

We had our quick trip to Boston coming back from Maine.

Then we stopped for a day in Savannah on our way back from NC a couple weeks ago,

where we ate some nasty food because I was hungry, irritable, and too impatient to find a good restaurant. Boo. The place that we walked into served nothing (I mean nothing) but fried food, which made Matt sick for the rest of the night. It was a good time!

I wasn't the biggest fan of Savannah. It was okay, but a little too southern and Georgia smelly for me. We had fun exploring the next day, but I wouldn't put it on my list of cities to return to.

This past weekend we packed up the car and headed back to the beach for more family fun. We stayed right on the beach at a place where we've been with Matt's family a few times and hung out in the pool, looked for shells, and ate lots of yummy food. It's fun figuring out a new normal for our family of four. For two parents that love being active, it's definitely different with little ones, but exciting to introduce them to new things. I'm learning to enjoy just watching right now. I can't so much bend down with Jax in my carrier and look for shells with Em or jump in the waves with Matt, but I can enjoy just being with my son and watching my daughter bond with her daddy. Soon enough Jax'll be running around with his sister. It's really such a short time that I get to cuddle him. I swear the kid grows like a weed.

Emma loooved the hotel we stayed in. I mean, I understand why, but it was just cute how much she talked about it. In fact, as we were driving today she said," Mommy, I want to go back to the Hotel, Motel, Holiday Iiiiinnnn." Silly.

Now it's back to our routine.

Fall's in the air.

Except we live in FL so really it's not.

Kiddie Konvo

I decided I need to start recording some of my conversations with Em. She says such funny things on a daily basis, but then when I try to retell them to Matt, I forget. This isn't even that funny, but it's just so typical of what our day sounds like. I don't want to forget all these silly little things...

Em: Where's Santa?

Me: I don't know, Em.

Em: Is he at college?

Me: Maybe...

Em: Where's college?

Me: Well, there's colleges all over the place, but are you wondering about the college where Tim and Jenna are? That's in OH. They go to Cedarville.

Em: OH? I want to go to OH!!!

Me: In a few weeks...

Em: Where's Daddy?

...and through the list of where everyone that Emma knows is we go...

Sweet Sassy Malassy

So, my mom told me that she really liked the pictures from my last post. In fact, she was planning to use them for some presentation at school...except for the picture of Em. She looked like a dead-end child. I mean, she didn't exactly use those words, buuut...

I had to agree.

The problem is the girl's hair. I have the hardest time with it. If she happens to sit still long enough for me to do it, she just ends up pulling it out within the hour anyway. My mom always made sure my hair was perfect as a little girl. I never had a hair out of place. How this was possible I'm not sure. I suppose I wasn't quite the tazmanian devil that my daughter is but still.

Anywho- I thought I'd post some pics of Em from this weekend. I can't say that her hair is perfect in any of them, but she does look pretty darn cute.

Love These Kids