Confession: I broke the cardinal rule of facebook yesterday. I can't believe I'm writing about it because I haven't told anyone about it. I don't even want to say it out loud. Not to my girlfriends. Not to my husband. I didn't confess to anyone how I wallowed in my shame with a Big Mac, fries, and a coke last night.
I friend requested someone...and they rejected me. Fine. Here's where it gets bad. I thought about it too much. I analyzed and over-analyzed...and then I sent a message. AHHHHhhh! Who does that!? I KNOW. When it comes to tasks, I'm a procrastinator. When it comes to relationships, I'm impulsive. If I get an idea in my head I can't function until I deal with it. This was so dumb, I know. Hence, I will not speak of it...I will only write of it.
It was an ex-boyfriend's wife (from a loooong time ago) and we had both commented on something, and I thought what she said was funny and well, we used to talk here and there in a past life. Now she's a mom and I'm a mom and I thought...why not?
She evidently didn't feel the same way.
So I asked her why. I KNOW. I was soooo that girl. Who does that??? Who ever does that? I mean, it was a long message too- and I don't even remember what it said. Chances are it didn't even make a whole lot of sense because I was just rambling instead of composing my thoughts. Buuut...I have no desire to go back and read it because that would mean that I actually wrote it. And pressed send. Uuug.
To add to the humiliation, she wrote back this morning saying she was surprised to hear from me, and basically she didn't really give it much thought when she rejected me. She doesn't harbor any ill will towards me, but she just uses fb as a way to keep in touch with family, friends, and people that she was close to in the past. And she thanked me for my openness. It was all very kind...and left me feeling like even more of a moron.
So why did I do it? Why did I ask? I don't know- I've been asking myself that question. I guess there's two schools of thought on facebook. Some people, like this particular girl, see it as a way of keeping in touch with those people that are or were important parts of your life. That's fine. I guess I see it as a way to connect with people that are important parts of my life but also those that could still be an important part of my life. It's funny, some of the people that I keep in touch with the most aren't necessarily those that I was close to in the past but have since found common ground with. I'm really thankful for those relationships that have developed. And, every once in a while it's just neat to see what that random person that I backpacked with in Europe for a couple of days is doing.
As I write I'm actually starting to realize that as ridiculous as it may be, I'm glad that I wrote her. I'm a girl, and I know how my mind works. I know in the future when I would see her name appear on the same comment as me or if I ever saw her post on the wall of a mutual friend I would probably think bad thoughts towards her...because I thought she was thinking badly of me. Dumb. I know, but come on, it's how girls work. Now it doesn't have to be like that. Now it doesn't have to ever cross my mind again. Now I don't have to be a catty girl. It's kinda freeing...you know, once I get passed the feeling like a fool part. I've made a fool of myself plenty of times before and I'm sure I will again. I'd much rather feel like a fool than be a snakey girl though.