Wow. I can't believe it's been eight years since I posted on here.
Eight years. That's a lot of life. My kids are hardly kids anymore.
I wasn't planning to post now. I just went in search of something I wrote a long time ago and it made me sad to see this large gap that used to be where I processed what was happening in my brain. Something about it made my heart ache.
I suppose there were years in between where my thoughts have shown up on Instagram. But, I’m a pretty private person when it comes to social media these days. It rarely seems healthy to share much of anything- in pictures or in thoughts.
For many, many years I have felt too conservative for progressives and too progressive for conservatives. Which can feel pretty lonely all around. It’s hard to be vulnerable when experience has shown it’s not worth it to speak. Matters of consequence. Why feel relational pain that can be avoided by being quiet? I wish I was a lot more like Brene Brown. I’m not though. Somewhere along the line I decided it’s better to feel nothing- disconnection- is better than feeling shut down. Which, as I’m writing this, makes me realize that’s because both are about disconnection- but one I have control over- the other I don’t. Whoa.
. Who knows if I'll even write again beyond this moment.